Why Coming Back Matters More Than Being Perfect
This strategy can be relevant and extremely helpful in all areas of life, but in this instance we’re applying it to challenges around money, budgeting, over spending and more.
For so many ADHDers, money goals don’t fail because we don’t care. They fail because we expect ourselves to be consistent: week after week, no slip-ups, no impulsive moments, no missed bill payments. And when that doesn’t happen we spiral.
Tina Mathams is an accountant, financial educator and author. Having had her own money challenges, along with ADHD, this is her approach. This is persistence over consistence.
“Even if you’ve got three weeks where you didn’t put any money toward that goal, that gets to be okay… It’s more about changing your mindset – Okay, I didn’t put money towards it but I’ll just start again next week.”
— Tina Mathams, ADHDifference
Why It Works
ADHD brains struggle with all-or-nothing thinking. If we miss one week, we often abandon the entire goal. A single impulsive purchase may become “I’m hopeless with money”, just as a single missed gym session may become “I’m hopeless at getting fit.” But ADHD isn’t a consistency disorder, it’s a regulation difference. Our energy fluctuates, our interest dips and life interrupts!
Persistency removes the emotional punishment from the equation. So instead than the mindset of ‘I failed’ it becomes ‘I paused and now I resume’. It’s an acknowledgement of what happened, followed by a resetting of intention to get back on track (rather than a condemnation of a slip-up).
When to Use It
Use this strategy when:
- You’ve fallen off a savings plan
- You avoided your bank account for weeks
- You impulse spent and feel shame brewing
- You missed a debt payment plan milestone
- You feel behind compared to others
If your inner critic says “You’ve ruined it,” this strategy steps in.
How to Practice It
- Shrink the Restart
Don’t restart with intensity, restart small. Missed three weeks of savings? Put in $20 today. The goal isn’t about catching up and punishing yourself. It’s about re-engaging with a goal. -
Gamify the Return
ADHD brains respond to novelty and reward.
Try a savings ‘thermometer’ that you colour in, micro-challenges like ‘No Spend Tuesday’, rolling dice to decide which small debt payment to tackle first, pre-planned mini rewards for hitting small milestones. - Separate Behaviour from Identity
One impulsive purchase does not equal ‘I am bad with money’. It equals ‘I was dysregulated… tired… dopamine seeking’. Awareness interrupts the shame cycle. And let’s face it, shame is what keeps people stuck.
The Science Behind It
ADHD and challenges around money (be it saving, budgeting, impulsive spending, gambling etc) is not a figment of our imagination. Adults with ADHD reported poorer financial situations (more debt, less savings) and performed worse on tests of financial competence and future-oriented decision-making.1
By age 30, those with childhood ADHD has substantially worse financial outcomes than controls across multiple indicators.2
💬 Final Thought
Consistency sounds impressive, but persistency is sustainable. With ADHD, the power isn’t about never falling off the plan, it’s in knowing you can always come back.
🎧 Listen to the full episode with Tina Mathams (S2E45) here 🎧
REFERENCES
1. Bangma, D.F., Koerts, J., Fuermaier, A.B.M., Mette, C., Zimmermann, M., Toussaint, A.K., Tucha, L. & Tucha, O. (2019). Financial Decision-Making in Adults with ADHD
2. Pelham, W.E., Page, T.F., Altszuler, A.R., Gnagy, E.M., Molina, B.S.G. & Pelham, W.E. (2020). The Long-Term Financial Outcome of Children Diagnosed with ADHD