Take-Away Tools That Fit The Moment
Emotional regulation isn’t always taught, and even when it is, the standard advice often doesn’t fit the ADHD or neurodivergent brain. That’s why therapist Emily takes a creative, strengths-based approach to managing big emotions. Her clients aren’t told to “just calm down” or “breathe it out.” Instead, they’re guided to explore tools that actually match how their brains and bodies work.
One of Emily’s standout strategies is helping clients build a personal coping menu. It’s a small, flexible toolkit of emotional regulation supports they can reach for during stress, shutdown, or sensory overload.
“It’s about recognising what actually works for you, not what works in theory or what worked once for someone else.”
— Emily Cox, ADHDifference
Why This Strategy Matters
Neurodivergent people often experience emotions more intensely. Emotional flooding, shutdown, or unexpected surges of sadness, anger, or anxiety can feel confusing and overwhelming, especially when standard strategies don’t seem to help.
This approach acknowledges that these responses are real and valid and encourages neurodivergent folks to work with their nervous systems, not against them. By tuning into body-based signals and creating a small list of go-to tools, you reduce pressure in the moment and build long-term emotional resilience.
When to Use This Strategy
Having a coping menu is useful any time your emotional state feels bigger than your ability to manage it:
- During emotional floods: Rather than pushing through, pause and ask, “What helps me feel even a little more grounded?”
- When stress builds invisibly: Daily stress often compounds silently. Use your coping tools preventatively.
- When you feel like you “shouldn’t” feel how you feel: Emotional validation is a tool in itself.
- When the usual strategies fail: Just because it didn’t help this time, doesn’t mean it never will.
How to Practice It
Make a simple “coping menu” of 3–5 activities that support emotional regulation across different areas:
- Sensory: Weighted blanket, cold water on the wrists, a calming scent, or stepping outside for five minutes of sunlight.
- Creative: Doodling, crochet, sand play, or even organising your bookshelf by colour.
- Soothing Media: A playlist of calming songs, comfort shows, or a few favourite voice notes from friends.
- Physical Movement: Gentle stretching, yoga, or stomping around the house like a dinosaur (yes, really).
- Mindfulness-ish: Guided meditations, 3-minute breathing videos, or body check-ins that don’t require sitting still.
“We often want tools to work immediately. But even when they don’t ‘fix’ the moment, they give us information—and that’s useful too.”
The Science Behind It
This strategy supports emotional regulation through:
- Somatic awareness: Connecting with the body helps regulate the nervous system and interrupt stress loops.
- Co-regulation: Comfort items, voice messages, and safe spaces help replicate the regulating effect of trusted connection.
- Interoception: Becoming aware of internal signals like hunger, thirst, or over-stimulation increases emotional insight and recovery.
- Neuroplasticity: Repeating calming rituals builds neural pathways for resilience—especially when paired with self-compassion.
💬 Final Thought
Emily’s message is clear: regulating big emotions doesn’t require perfection or Pinterest-worthy self-care routines. It requires realistic tools, trial and error, and most of all, permission—to feel, to rest, to experiment, and to mess it up sometimes.
Your coping menu is not a test. It’s a gentle reminder that you are allowed to take care of yourself in ways that make sense for your brain.