Quietening the Inner Critic
When you’ve spent years feeling different, misunderstood, or “too much,” it’s easy to internalise those messages as truth. For Janine, ADHD Life Coach and former special education teacher, the heart of ADHD support starts with shifting self-worth from something externally earned to something inherently owned.
Through years of coaching, she has seen a recurring theme: many of her clients carry deep-rooted beliefs that they are not enough. These beliefs often stem from masking, rejection sensitivity, and growing up feeling “othered.” Her core strategy? Reclaiming Self Worth. Begin with compassion and build from there.
“We have to work on shifting where our worth comes from. It doesn’t need to come from external validation. You are enough just as you are.”
— Janine VanStee, ADHDifference
Why This Strategy Matters
ADHDers are often high achievers and harsh self-critics. Years of being corrected, misunderstood, or labelled can lead to internalised shame and chronic self-doubt. Over time, this manifests as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and burnout.
Reclaiming self worth counters this by:
- Identifying where their self-worth narrative began
- Building awareness of negative self-talk
- Creating space for a new belief: I am enough
Coaching is a great too to help reinforce these new, empowering mindsets.
It’s not about blind positivity. It’s about creating a solid internal foundation, so that life’s inevitable ADHD challenges don’t chip away at your sense of self.
When to Use This Strategy
This mindset shift is especially valuable:
- When you’re constantly seeking validation from others
- When you feel like your worth depends on productivity or perfection
- When you struggle with motivation due to fear of failure or criticism
- When you notice yourself over-apologising, over-explaining, or over-functioning
How to Practice It Daily
You can start building internalised self-worth with small, intentional steps:
- Name the Inner Critic: Create distance by naming your inner critic. This makes it easier to challenge harsh thoughts.
- Reparent Yourself: Ask, “Would I say this to my 9-year-old self?” If not, rewrite the message.
- Practice Saying No: Protect your energy by setting boundaries that honour your needs.
- Celebrate Non-Productive Wins: Notice when you rested, paused, or listened to your needs. These are victories too.
- Anchor to a Truth: Keep a simple phrase like “I am enough” visible in your phone, mirror, or journal.
The Science Behind It
People with ADHD are particularly prone to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) which is a painful emotional response to real or perceived criticism or rejection. This heightened sensitivity can distort self-perception over time and contribute to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.1
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) principles, including identifying and reframing negative core beliefs, have shown efficacy in helping ADHDers challenge this distorted thinking and build a more accurate self-narrative.2
Additionally, research suggests that self-compassion practices can improve emotional resilience, self-regulation, and mental health outcomes in individuals with ADHD.3
💬 Final Thought
Janine reminds us that the most transformative ADHD strategy doesn’t start with a planner or productivity hack. It starts within.
By building self-worth from the inside out and letting go of the need to prove or perform you create a foundation where your ADHD traits can be understood, supported, and even celebrated.
“If you wouldn’t say it to your younger self, don’t say it to yourself now. You’re listening to every word.”
You are enough. And that’s where the difference begins.
Listen to the full episode S1E43 here
REFERENCES
- Dodson, W. (2016) Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD
- Safren, S.A., Perlman, C.A., Sprich, S., & Otto, M.W. (2005). Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program. Oxford University Press.
- Beaton, D., Sirois, F., Milne, E. (2022) The Role of Self-Compassion in the Mental Health of Adults with ADHD