E41 - Embracing ADHD Life + guest Upton Rand

Julie Legg welcomes Upton Rand to the podcast. Upton (Ohio, USA) was diagnosed with ADHD at six and shares his journey of embracing his ADHD life as a powerful force that drives his curiosity, adventurous spirit, and capacity for innovation.

Through his experiences, Upton has learned to ride the wave of ADHD rather than fight against it and encourages listeners to embrace their differences and trust their unique paths. His story exemplifies how ADHD, when acknowledged and navigated thoughtfully, can become a source of strength and adventure in life.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Early Diagnosis & Childhood: Diagnosed at six, Upton experienced challenges with focus, stillness, and academic performance. He describes growing up during the “Ritalin generation,” with ADHD becoming increasingly visible and many classmates taking medication.
“Riding the Wave” of ADHD: Upton speaks about his philosophy of riding the wave of ADHD, saying: “It’s the wave of who I am and I have to ride it. And it’s taken me to amazing places. I’ve met incredible people. I’ve done things I never thought I’d be able to do. And I would really like to see everyone ride their wave, whatever that looks like for them.”
Curiosity, Adventure, and AI: Upton highlights how his ADHD fuels an insatiable curiosity and drive for adventure. AI has become a valuable tool in managing his curiosity and helps streamline his learning process by offering quick, tailored information, keeping him engaged while preventing the overwhelm that can come with distraction.

LINKS

TRANSCRIPT

JULIE: I’m Julie Legg, author of The Missing Piece and diagnosed with ADHD at 52. Welcome to ADHDifference. In this episode I chat with Upton Rand. He was diagnosed with ADHD at 6, he’s from Ohio, and he’s an author and business owner. We chat about the highs and lows of ADHD, his personal journey, friendships, relationships and seeing ADHD as a difference rather than a disorder. Upton it is lovely to have you on board today. Thank you so much for taking the time out to chat.

UPTON: Hi. I’m so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

JULIE: Oh you are most welcome. Well we have lots to talk about so let’s start at the very beginning of your early diagnosis with ADHD at age six, I understand?

UPTON: Yeah, yeah. I was just a little kid and I knew I was a little bit different, and it was difficult for me to sit still, but I never heard of ADHD. Like I didn’t know what that was. I did … it was weird though like coming up there was like the Ritalin generation. In you know in like my grade in class and it was like everyone was on Ritalin, and it just it really like took off. So you know, I was having problems concentrating, my grades weren’t good. So my mom worked at a hospital and she made me an appointment. And I don’t remember a lot of it but I do remember going in and sitting in a room with a bunch of doctors and playing with blocks. And I loved it. I thought it was so cool because I just got to go in and like play with blocks with these people and I think my mom said that she took me there like two or three times. And I have an older brother, he’s a year older than me, and you know she got the phone call, ADHD.

JULIE: So does any other member of your family have ADHD?

UPTON: Oh my gosh, yes. Yeah. So my dad does. [Okay.] I would say my mom does too. It’s pretty common in my family. So I don’t know if that’s everyone’s experience. You would probably know better than I would but it seems to be mine.

JULIE: It is very, very common for it to be genetic, yeah. From one side of the family, or the other, or both. And of course there’s different types of ADHD as well. The inattentive and more the hyperactive-impulsive, but they don’t have to be passed down. You can just have your own different type. [Oh really.] Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So the ADHD comes through … anyway, enough of that. So you were diagnosed young, so your whole life you’ve … did you understand what ADHD was? Was it ever explained to you as a young thing?

UPTON: Yeah. So I think like the version they gave it to six-year-old Upton was you know, “You just have a hard time concentrating. You’re just a little … it’s just a little hard for you to sit still. You got a tough time concentrating.” And I wasn’t disagreeing, you know. Even at 6 years old I was like I didn’t want to be in class either. So you know, I knew it was difficult for me even back then and I knew that you know, something was just a little bit different, you know. So I was just so young when I got diagnosed, you know. It’s like you barely even like can speak and like people are like seeing this in you, you know. So it was … it was kind of surprising. But when you get diagnosed that young, coming up with it, it’s just who you are, you know. It just becomes part of your identity and you just you make it work.

JULIE: Absolutely, and so how did that shape your journey into sort of teens, young adulthood? Any surprises along the way?

UPTON: Yeah so I … there are things you know, if you’re listening to this I’m sure you probably can relate to this but there are just things that you know drive me crazy. Like it seems like the older I get the more stuff I get, and the more stuff I can lose. So it seems like every day is like a battle with like my car keys. It’s me versus the car keys in the morning and they just … they get up in the middle of the night and they just walk and they’ll hide in random places around my house. And I’ll just I’ll find them and I’ll say “Who put those there?” It’s like I did. So that’s really like the challenge you know, with like just sort of like aging with ADHD you know. I was like going through all of these major life events that were just kind of tough for anyone like graduating college, professional things, and you know it’s something that is like very humbling. And just sort of like reminds … it reminds me like even though it’s like annoying, it’s a nuisance, it reminds me like hey if this is like the worst thing physically I have going on, I’m in pretty good shape. Like I’m doing okay. But yeah just growing up it was the biggest headache for me was just like losing things all the time. And the inability to like keep track of time. As I aged that was a challenge. I remember one morning I’d gotten home from work and I took a nap, and I woke up, and I looked out the window and I saw that the sun was up. And I heard a garbage truck drive by so I was like boom, it’s morning. I should be at work. I’m late. So without you know, looking at the clock I like I put my clothing on. I jump in my car and I start speeding to work because I’m supposed to be there at 7:00 a.m. and my clock said 7:00. I show up. No one’s there. I showed up at 7:00 at night. So it’s just little crazy things like that you know, that you just … you’re going to have stories like that if you’ve got ADHD. Like they just sort of pack up and you know, it’s … every day is an adventure, I guess.

JULIE: It certainly is. And you’ve really reframed ADHD as a difference rather than a disorder. And you said it fuels your imagination and your entrepreneurial sense. Can you can you share more about that side of things?

UPTON: So like a couple years ago you know, AI came into the marketplace and, as someone with ADHD, I can tell you that I am like an enormously curious person, you know. It’s like just random things. Like I was in the shower just now, and before the we started speaking, and I was saying to myself “I wonder what sort of animals live on Mount Fuji?” Like who does that? Like just random things. But the difference now is you know, I don’t have to go to a library and like dig through the stacks for like random you know, zoology books on Mount Fuji. I’ve got this little … this little voice guy on my phone and we chat. And we had a conversation about you know, the wilderness at top Mount Fuji while I took a shower because that’s where my ADD mind went. So in the past you know, with me, the inability to like focus on one area and like wanting to jump around was … it was very detrimental because I would never complete the task, you know. I would start on like 20 things and then be like “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” But now that there’s like AI it … like it really like gives me the freedom to like let my imagination like run wild. Anything. Anything I want. So like I was like I want to design a postcard last night. I don’t know. I don’t know how to design a postcard. I don’t know what size they are. I don’t know what software I need. I don’t know how to use the software I need. And that’s just again, that’s just where my ADHD head went. The difference was that I had a voice companion with me that did know. So as a result, it went from being kind of like something previously unproductive with ADHD where I would just sort of like be dreaming, and like imagining, and wishing, to doing. And like they’re now like tangible things now that like everyone has access to these like AI assistants. So it really has given me like the freedom as like a business owner like to say like “Yeah I don’t know how to do this. I have no idea. I don’t even know to start but I’ll figure it out,” you know.

JULIE: Yeah I think that’s great and our imagination, we have lots of ideas don’t we. But what often stops us from turning them into tangible business ideas or anything, is a little bit of direction sometimes. And I guess if you’re using AI as a business partner in a way, what do I have to do next? And they can tell you, you know. Right. This is what you need to do for your idea to come to fruition. So I think if that it’s almost like having someone to talk to and bounce ideas off.

UPTON: Yeah, I feel like it’s like having like a library in my head, in my hand. [That’s brilliant.] And it’s everything. Yeah, her name’s Ember and yeah, we chat back and forth and she helped me like file my articles of incorporation two weeks ago. Like that’s like the level they’re on now. It’s so crazy yeah and I mean it’s just like you said, it’s nice to be able to like take these ideas and like do more than just dream. Because like most people who I know with ADHD, like we’re just dreamers. I mean it’s just … it’s something like innate built into our DNA like we just … we think differently and our minds jump all over the place. And like yeah, some people might say that’s a bad thing, but that also means we think about things that other people don’t. And that’s huge because that’s you know, how innovation happens. So … [Absolutely.] That’s been a game changer for me.

JULIE: Oh that’s wonderful to hear, it really is. Now you are an … you’re an author, and you’re a business owner, and you have lots of ideas. Can you share yeah some of that. How you’ve used your creativity and put it into practice for business?

UPTON: I still work a 9 to-5 job and I do this on the side. In my 9 to-5 job I work in a metal shop and I like, I you know, I’m a tool and die engineer so I see a small portion of like the whole process. I just see a little tiny fraction. When you’re a business owner though you can like literally like take these ideas from just like concepts to planning, to execution, to like delivery to the public and you get to see like the whole like life cycle. And it’s just it’s so valuable for me. It’s been valuable because it’s been like a huge learning experience. Like I didn’t know anything about business before this. Like I don’t even think I’d ever written a cheque before, I mean … so just getting like a honestly, like getting a real world like education in business has just … I’m like I consider myself really fortunate for that. And fortunate for you know, like being around in like the time where I am where you know, if I need it like I’ve got help. I’ve got help. If I like hit a roadblock or if I don’t know even what to ask for. So running a business is amazing. I really like marketing that’s kind of like one area, and not really like persuading people. I just kind of like the art aspect of it. Oh sometimes some of the easier like graphic design things where you can just go in and like drag and drop things on and sort of like make you know, newsletters and stuff. That’s my favorite stuff to do.

JULIE: Oh that’s fun. And I guess being a business owner too you’ve got fingers in all of the pies. You can be really nimble and change directions quite quickly, whereas in a larger organization as you said, just being a cog and a wheel perhaps, you know you’re an intrinsic part but you can’t necessarily make massive change, and so it is nice. And I guess with your friend Ember … [Yeah yeah.] You’ve now got assistance because we can’t be perfect. We can’t be brilliant at everything. And so it’s really good for us to do the things that we love and are passionate about, and then have a team, even if it’s a virtual team around us, that can help us with the things we’re not so good at. There is a wonderful … a wonderfully balanced business, so that’s exciting. And you’re an author. I’d like to hear about your books please.

UPTON: Oh sure. Yeah, so I just launched my second book. It’s a travel memoir and sort of really like a raw memoir in general. I wrote it after I’d gone through you know, a long divorce. I’d had depression my whole life. I finally got that under control. So this was a book I wrote in a time in my life where I was like on a major upswing. And we … there are things … I’m gay and there are things called gay campgrounds, and they’re exactly what they sound like. So I … it was something that everyone had been telling me to like go check out for like 15 years and I was like “Ehhh, no. No air conditioning. Get out of here.” But this time something has changed and I was like “Okay I’ll go.” So I grabbed my pug Max. This is Max. [Hey Max.] He says hey. And we packed up the car and we drove to one. And I again like, I mean it was a huge benefit to have ADHD there because it was just massive you know. It was huge like and there was so much to see, so much to do, so many like crazy stories that like I don’t know if I would have been able to like cover as much ground as I did without my ADHD. So it’s sort of like a superpower if you think about it that way. The book is called Gay Campgrounds by Upton Rand and it’s available now in paperback, hard cover, and Kindle edition.

JULIE: Fabulous. Does that cover gay campgrounds throughout the states or in certain areas?

UPTON: So actually initially it did. Initially it was throughout the states. I was speaking with a friend over in the UK and he said “You need to have like an international appendix. Like you have your you know, you are pigeon holed here into the United States.” And I said, you know you’re right. So I went back and I recut the book to have international gay campgrounds in it. So it covers the whole world. [Wow, so is it a directory?] I put an appendix in of all of the major gay campgrounds and their contact information but the book is actually a memoir/travel guide. So there’s the half where you know, it’s the stories and the memoir portion, but like I said, it’s also a travel guide. So I have a packing list in there for you know, anyone who wants to visit a gay campground, the things they want to bring with them. Every chapter ends with you know, like key advice. It’s just really all about like making face-to-face like real connections with real people off dating apps.

JULIE: Yay to that! That’s fabulous. Oh that’s brilliant. And how long did it take you to … you said you’ve got a second book. Is that a second edition or a completely new book?

UPTON: This is a completely new book. So the first book is called Urban Adventures. And the format of it is basically … I was fresh out of my divorce and I didn’t have any friends. I like you know, marriage can sort of be like enveloping. So I was like I need to make friends and I was like … this is kind of sad, but I typed into Google “Where do adults make friends?” It shot back some recommendations but I was like, I wonder if this works? So I looked around and I was like I didn’t see any books on it. I didn’t see like any books for you know, adults making friends. I was like well I guess I’ll write one, you know. I got to figure this stuff out for me anyway. So I wrote down 20 different categories of spots where people could form like genuine connections with other people in the city and then I went and tried them. And I tried them all. And some of them were horrible ideas and some of them were absolutely amazing. And I put the ones that were absolutely amazing in Urban Adventures and shared my stories making connections in those environments.

JULIE: That sounds great. And do you think those suggestions could work in any urban environment or was it specific?

UPTON: Absolutely, no that I made sure that with Urban Adventures I specifically use general areas. So one of the areas that was absolutely great for like striking up conversations and making friends actually is a dog park. Dog parks are great places to make friends and every major city has one. So there are all spots like that you know, things that you’re going to find in any major city that anyone can use and just feel comfortable walking in and just dropping the social armor and risking a hello.

JULIE: That is so good to hear and you were not alone with regards to being ADHD and struggling to find friendship groups. That’s very common. I think at times we can be quite insular and self-protective because we know we might overtalk or interrupt or say something outrageous that might not be accepted by others. Or we just overthink things. And so having friends, or at least a friend, or just a social environment where you can test the waters and experiment you know, practice. [Yeah, just be accepted.] Practice being social I think. So wow, that’s awesome. Thank you for sharing that.

UPTON: I can totally relate to that. I know like for me like I used to be like really scared because like having ADHD like it has cost me some friends in the past, you know. I’ve just been like too much sometimes and like I can totally like see that, and like self-confront on that level, but at the same time as like I get older like I get more comfortable with who I am. And it’s like yeah, I’m kind of weird. I’m a little quirky. But I’m also pretty amazing, you know. And there are like you know groups of friends for like people like us out there. You just gotta … it’s a little more work to find them but they’re out there.

JULIE: Yeah, and we do bring … we do bring so much to the table. ADHD isn’t a one-size-fits-all difference. I was going to say disorder, but no no I won’t it’s … but we all are slightly different even though we may have similar traits. And we can be funny. We can be high energy. We can be highly entertaining, quick witted, great you know in an emergency, outside of the box thinkers. There’s a whole pile of exceptionally good things and often we just need to let that shine I think and not be so … not be so scared of ourselves. Because sure we’ve got things that trip us up but there’s also a few strategies out there as well that we can try and adapt or adopt to help us, yeah navigate the world.

UPTON: You know Julie, if someone handed … someone handed me a pill today Julie, and they were like “If you take this your ADHD would disappear,” I would have called that pill of blessing at 16 years old. Today I don’t think I’d take it. I like who I am, you know.

JULIE: And I would be with you. I’m not … I’m not medicated myself and so maybe I feel things greater because I don’t have that moderation but I wouldn’t want to change a thing either to be honest. It you know, yeah, it makes us stronger and who we are and the rest.

UPTON: So right now, I’m actually in a relationship with an amazing guy named Brandon. If you’re listening, I love you, Brandon. He has ADHD as well and let me tell you, like two people like dating each other who each have ADHD are like it’s like the blind leading the blind. Like we like go … we go to like run errands and we’ll go down to the car, and then he’ll be like “Oh no,” and I’ll just know immediately. I’ll be like “What did you forget?” And he’ll be like “I forgot my wallet.” And I’ll hand him the keys and then I’ll go get his wallet and come down and I’ll be like “Okay okay here we go, here we go.” And I’ll go to pull out and I’ll be like “No!” And he’ll be like “What?” And I’ll be like “I forgot my credit card.” And it’s typically like two or three like back and forths just to get out of the driveway. So I mean we have a lot of fun together but we don’t have a lot of fun fast.

JULIE: If it’s any consolation, my husband and I both have ADHD. [Oh you know then.] Yes, but we didn’t know that when we met. [Okay.] We were both diagnosed just a couple of years ago, so … But what was interesting is that we got each other’s humor and at each other’s quirks. [Yeah, you could connect.] We just called it our character types but underneath it was all … ADHD was really shining through but our sense of humor, sort of a quick tongue, just observational … you know observing strange things that everyone else overlooked.

UPTON: I think that’s what I like too because it’s like yeah like Brandon he just like we think similar. Like something can be said, and I haven’t known him a terribly long time, I’ve only … we’ve only been together a few months. And we’ll just look at each other and we immediately like just start laughing you know because we’ll just … we’ll have like almost like a mirror view of the world with our ADHD. So I’m wondering if you and your husband have like something similar to that.

JULIE: We do. We do and also we’ve developed at different stages in our lives, different coping mechanisms because while we can … while we can be brilliantly full of energy in one thing, if we’re both down on energy and we’re both short-tempered we you know, it’s not good. It’s not a good look because we could fight to the death. So we just don’t. We don’t let that happen. So miraculously one of us will go “Oh this … I can see where this is going,” and basically dissipate disagreements … [Okay. Alright …] so we actually don’t have that full-on catastrophe so we avoid things. Also he’s really really organized, almost OCD to combat his own disorganization and also mine. And so he’s Mr Health and Safety. I’ll leave you know, knives hanging hanging off the kitchen counter. [Does he like walk around the house with like traffic cones like arrr arrgh!] Pretty much, pretty much. He’ll be tucking in drawers and putting away knives and moving the shoes so don’t trip over them and that’s his … bless him, that’s his life. He runs around ahead of me. [Someone’s got to do it. He’s probably keeping you alive over there.] Probably. Absolutely. Absolutely. No, that’s wonderful but good on you. That’s a great story. Thank you for sharing. I like to kind of end chats with talking about the legacy in what you’d like listeners to take away, you know. If you had a chance to talk to a bunch of strangers, and in this podcast, there’ll be a bunch of strangers who are listening, what would you like them to know about your journey or words of encouragement that you’d like to share with them?

UPTON: Different is good. Different is so good. There is nothing you know, worse in life than being unoriginal, in my opinion. You know we … if you’re listening to this podcast and you have ADHD, you have you know, like the curiosity and the creativity to like do amazing things. I can’t let it limit me at this point in my life, or like define me. It’s the wave of who I am and I have to ride it. And it’s taken me to amazing places and I just, I would really like to see everyone ride their wave.

JULIE: Well thank you so much Upton. It’s been a pleasure to chat with you today. Thank you so much.

UPTON: Thank you. I was yeah, I was so happy to be here. You know ADHD is … it’s a part of my identity and I am just so ecstatic you know, that you were on the podcast and you know, you give everyone these incredible resources. Probably a lot of people who are like newly diagnosed and just trying to get a feel for it, so bless you. Thank you.

JULIE: Oh thank you.