Lean In, Don't Escape - ADHDifference

Rethinking Anxiety Through Connection and Courage

Dr Jack Hinman is a clinical psychologist and Founder of Engage Young Adult Transitions. With over 20 years of experience supporting young adults, he’s developed a deep understanding of how we grow through discomfort not by avoiding it, but by leaning into connection.

For Dr Hinman, anxiety isn’t just something to manage or eliminate. It’s something to learn from.

“When you feel anxiety, we should lean into relationships. Also anxiety — sitting in your anxiety, working through your anxiety — teaches me what I like and don’t like.”
— Dr Jack Hinman, ADHDifference

In a world of avoidance and digital shortcuts, his approach is refreshingly human: feel it, don’t flee it. Especially for ADHDers, who often experience emotional intensity and social anxiety, building tolerance for discomfort can be a game changer.

Why It Works

Anxiety is a normal part of being human. But for ADHDers, it can show up more often and more intensely. The ADHD brain’s heightened sensitivity, emotional reactivity, and difficulties with uncertainty or transitions mean it can feel easier to withdraw or numb out.

But anxiety, when approached with curiosity and connection, becomes information. It reveals boundaries, desires, discomforts, and values.

Avoidance might reduce anxiety in the short term, but it reinforces the belief that discomfort is dangerous. By contrast, leaning in builds self-trust and emotional regulation especially when done with others.

“You cannot grow unless you feel discomfort… Reaching out, introducing yourself, making connections — it’s going to feel uncomfortable. You have to get outside your comfort zone to build connection. You have to get outside your comfort zone to grow. And we really have to stop pathologising typical anxiety. Anxiety isn’t always bad — it’s where you’re going to grow.”
— Dr. Jack Hinman

When to Use It

Dealing with anxiety takes practice. Use this strategy when you feel:

Social anxiety rising — before a conversation, event, or interaction
A pull toward isolation or withdrawal
Shame or fear around expressing your needs
Emotional overwhelm that makes you want to shut down
That something feels “off” but you can’t quite name it

Rather than suppress the discomfort, this is the moment to pause, lean in, and explore.

How to Practice It

Prioritise Face-to-Face Time
Don’t wait for the “right moment”. Seek out real-world interactions. It could be a chat with a friend, a walk with a colleague, or coffee with someone safe.
Make Eye Contact (Even Briefly)
Eye contact can feel intense for neurodivergent people, but it activates brain regions tied to trust and emotional regulation. Start small.
Let It Be Imperfect
You don’t need the perfect script. Real presence is messy. Let the pauses breathe. Let awkwardness be part of the process.
Learn from the Cues
Watch facial expressions. Listen for tone. Pay attention to energy shifts. This is how we fine-tune social attunement … not from a book, but from being with people.
Be Seen to Feel Regulated
If you’re dysregulated, seek co-regulation — someone calm, grounded, and present. Their nervous system can help anchor yours.

The Science Behind It

People with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience emotional dysregulation, anxiety, and stress responses compared with those without the condition. Challenges with regulating emotion, including heightened responses to social stimuli, discomfort, or perceived rejection, are a common part of ADHD’s lived experience and can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming.

Real‑world, face‑to‑face connection helps counter these patterns in several ways:

Emotion Regulation in ADHD
ADHD is associated with difficulties recognising and modulating intense emotions, which can contribute to anxiety and relational stress. Supporting emotional regulation especially through connection is therefore central to ADHD coping strategies.¹
Social Support as a Protective Factor
Research suggests that social support can buffer against anxiety and depression in adults, including those with ADHD. Strong, supportive interpersonal ties are linked with lower psychological distress and better mental health outcomes.²
Co‑Regulation Lowers Stress
When someone feels safe and grounded with another person, physiological systems shift toward calm. Real‑world presence, such as steady eye contact, shared space, and attuned interaction, activates brain pathways involved in co‑regulation, reduces stress hormones like cortisol, and supports emotional self‑soothing that ADHD brains often struggle to sustain independently.³

💬 Final Thought

In a digital world, real presence is revolutionary.

As Dr Jack Hinman reminds us, healing doesn’t always happen in theory. It happens in connection. For ADHDers, reaching out is not a weakness. It’s a way home.

Whether it’s a shared glance, a long walk, or an honest conversation, presence is a practice. And connection is the strategy.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Dr Jack Hinman (S2E34) here 🎧

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