Talking Yourself Through ADHD Challenges
Jessica Lewis is a voice-over artist, photographer, podcast host, and a late-diagnosed ADHDer navigating a busy life with three kids. In the middle of a demanding schedule, emotional reactivity, and ADHD paralysis, she discovered something powerful — her own voice.
Her go-to strategy? Self-coaching, talking herself through hard moments with grounding, clarity, and kindness.
“I’ll actually say out loud, ‘OK, what do I need to do here?’ I’ve found that I can move through things faster if I walk myself through it like I’m coaching someone else.”
— Jessica Lewis, ADHDifference
This isn’t just positive self-talk. It’s practical, compassionate direction — giving your brain the guidance it needs, when it needs it
Why It Works
ADHD often makes it hard to pause and process. Emotional dysregulation, decision fatigue, and overwhelm can flood the system fast leaving you frozen, snappy, or spiralling. Self-coaching interrupts that spiral. It turns down the emotional noise and turns up clarity. Instead of waiting to feel “ready,” you step into the role of your own calm, supportive coach, someone who knows what you need and how to get you moving again.
When to Use It
This strategy is most helpful:
- When you’re overwhelmed and unsure where to start
- When you’re emotionally dysregulated or spiralling
- When you’ve dropped a ball and shame is creeping in
- When you need momentum, but your brain is frozen
In short: any time your brain is stuck and needs a clear, kind voice to step in.
How to Use It
- Catch the Spiral
Pause and name what’s happening. “OK, I’m finding this overwhelming.” That awareness is the doorway in. - Switch Perspectives
Ask: “If I were coaching a friend through this moment, what would I say?” - Say It Out Loud
Use your voice. Your brain processes spoken words differently than thoughts. It becomes a real-time intervention. - Break It Down
Give yourself one simple next step. “Right now, I just need to put myself in a safe space to process things.” Or “Why was I overwhelmed just now? Am I tired, hungry, is the environment too noisy…..? How can I do this another way next time? ” - Add Compassion, Not Pressure
“You’re doing your best. You’ve got through days like this before.” Kindness is what helps the ADHD brain stay regulated and moving.
The Science Behind It
Self Directed Speech Helps Cognitive Self Regulation
A growing body of research supports the idea that talking to yourself, or self directed speech, plays a role in planning, self regulation, and behaviour control. This aligns with the concept of self coaching as a way to guide attention and action.1
Verbal Self Instruction Can Reduce Procrastination in ADHD
Research on self instruction training shows that talking through tasks can improve attention and reduce procrastination symptoms in people with ADHD, showing real benefits of structured self coaching style approaches.2
Self Talk Is Recognised as a Cognitive Strategy in ADHD Coaching
ADHD coaching literature highlights the value of self talk as a strategy to improve attention, focus, emotional regulation, and task management — all core to self coaching.
💬 Final Thought
When the ADHD brain gets stuck, it doesn’t need more pressure. Instead it needs a pause, a plan, and a little compassion. That’s what self-coaching offers. Not perfection. Not push. Just a moment of clarity, spoken in your own voice.
As Jessica reminds us, you don’t have to wait for someone else to help you move forward. Sometimes, the most effective support comes from within — calm, clear, and ready to help you begin again.
🎧 Listen to the full episode with Jessica Lewis (S2E23) here 🎧
REFERENCES
- Alderson Day, B., & Fernyhough, C. (2015). Inner speech: Development, cognitive functions, phenomenology, and neurobiology.
- Rostami, M., Bakhtiarpour, S., Hafezi, F., & Naderi, F. (2023). Investigating the Effectiveness of Verbal Self-education Training on Academic Procrastination and Symptoms of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Adolescent Boys With Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder