You are Not the Thought - ADHDifference

Separating Thought from Fact

For many ADHD adults, the inner critic can be loud and at times harsh. You forget something, miss a deadline or feel overwhelmed and almost instantly, the thought appears: “I’m useless.” “I’m so disorganised.” “I’m too much.”

Over time, these thoughts stop feeling like thoughts and they start to feel like truth. However, while we may have an array of thoughts… they are not facts. They are thoughts.

So, instead of saying: “I am…” Add one small phrase: “I’m having the thought that…”

“If we let that thought have validity, then that is kind of what can jam us up.”

— Dr Katie Brzozowski, ADHDifference

Why It Works

ADHD brains often experience rapid, emotionally charged thinking especially in moments of stress, overwhelm, or perceived failure. These thoughts can feel automatic and convincing.

When we attach identity to them, they become even more powerful:

“I am lazy”
“I am unreliable”
“I am the problem”

This is known as cognitive fusion, when thoughts and identity become intertwined. The brain treats the thought as fact.

By shifting to: “I’m having the thought that…” we create cognitive distance. The thought is still there but it’s no longer you. That separation reduces emotional intensity and makes it easier to respond with awareness rather than reaction.

When to Use It

This strategy is especially helpful when you notice:

harsh self-talk after a mistake
spiralling thoughts about your abilities or worth
feeling defined by a single moment or behaviour
getting stuck in shame or self-criticism
believing negative thoughts without questioning them

These are often moments where thoughts have become fused with identity.

How to Practice It

Catch the Thought
Notice the moment a strong statement appears: “I’m hopeless” “I’ll never get this right” “I always mess things up”
You don’t need to stop it, just notice it.
Add One Phrase
Gently shift the language: “I’m having the thought that I’m hopeless” “I’m having the thought that I’ll never get this right”
Nothing else needs to change, just the framing.
Create a Little Space
Notice what happens when you say it this way. There’s often a subtle shift: less intensity, less certainty and more space to breath. The thought is still there but it feels different.
Get Curious, Not Critical
Instead of reacting to the thought, explore it: Where did this come from? What triggered it? Is this always true?
Let It Pass
Thoughts don’t need to be fixed, argued with, or eliminated. They can simply be noticed… and allowed to move through.
You are not your thoughts. You are the one noticing them.

The Science Behind It

This strategy is grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which introduces the concept of cognitive defusion — the ability to observe thoughts without becoming entangled in them.

Research shows that cognitive defusion techniques can reduce the believability and emotional impact of negative thoughts, helping individuals respond more flexibly rather than react automatically.¹

Rather than trying to eliminate thoughts, ACT focuses on changing the relationship to them, recognising that thoughts are mental events, not facts.

This distinction can be especially helpful for ADHD adults, who may experience more frequent and emotionally intense self-referential thinking, particularly in moments of stress or perceived failure.

Creating even a small amount of psychological distance can reduce reactivity and support more adaptive decision-making.

💬 Final Thought

The goal isn’t to stop negative thoughts. They will come. The shift is in how you relate to them.

From: “I am this.” To: “I’m having the thought that…” It’s a small change but it creates space between you and the story.

And in that space, there’s more room for compassion, clarity, and choice.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Dr Katie Brzozowski (S2E52) here 🎧

REFERENCES

Munawar, K., Choudhry, F.R., Lee, S.H., Siau, C.S., Kadri, N.B.M. & Sulong, R.M.B. (2021). Acceptance and commitment therapy for individuals having attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): A scoping review