E10 - Masking - ADHDifference

Julie Legg and Jel Legg discuss the link between ADHD and masking – why, when and how we are likely to mask and unmask.

They chat about whether masking is intentional or unintentional, detrimental to our self-esteem, and why they feel it is deemed necessary in certain situations. Often used to conform to societal norms, masking involves suppressing true thoughts and behaviors to avoid judgment or conflict, but this can come at the cost of emotional exhaustion and shallow relationships. They discuss the challenges of unmasking, the importance of safe environments for self-expression, and the ways ADHDers can navigate societal expectations while striving for authenticity.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

What is Masking? Masking involves hiding true thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to conform to societal norms, often by adopting a socially acceptable persona. It can be intentional or become an unconscious habit over time.
Why Masking Happens: ADHDers may mask to avoid judgment, criticism, or conflict. This behavior often starts in childhood as a response to feeling different or not accepted, especially for girls who tend to suppress ADHD traits more covertly than boys.
The Cost of Masking: Long-term masking is emotionally exhausting and can lead to shallow relationships or feelings of being unseen. When masks slip or are intentionally removed, it can result in unexpected reactions from others, adding to a sense of isolation or vulnerability.
Unmasking and Its Challenges: Unmasking requires a safe environment and understanding relationships. People need to feel they can reveal their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection, which can be challenging in structured social or work environments.
Societal Expectations and ADHD: ADHDers often struggle with societal norms that demand conformity. This misalignment can lead to internal conflicts and moments of explosive honesty when masking becomes unsustainable.
Insights on Managing Masking: Recognizing the habit of masking can help individuals question its necessity and find balance. Seeking supportive communities or professional guidance, such as ADHD coaches or counselors, can help create strategies for authentic self-expression.

LINKS

Julie is the author of THE MISSING PIECE: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing and Living with ADHD (Harper Collins, 2024).

TRANSCRIPT

JULIE: I’m Julie Legg, author of The Missing Piece and diagnosed with ADHD at 52.

JEL: And I’m Jel Legg, diagnosed at 55.

JULIE: Welcome to ADHDifference. In today’s episode we’ll be talking about masking in relation to ADHD. So, what is masking? Why do we mask? When are we likely to mask? What is the result of masking and what goes wrong when we mask too much? Well, we’ll start with that at least. So, let’s talk about masking itself. How would you describe the act of masking, Jel?

JEL: Yeah, it’s not revealing how you really feel in a situation. It’s covering up, putting on a false front, whether it’s a smile, or being quiet, and just not being yourself in a social or work/business situation where it’s not probably a good idea to be yourself. So, you’re playing by other people’s rules and particularly their rules of engagement.

JULIE: And sometimes it’s intentional because we don’t want to stand out, or would rather blend in and be this chameleon and just blend in. At other times we don’t actually know that we’re doing it. And I think the more often you mask, the more second nature it becomes and you can find yourself masking in situations where there is really no need to.

JEL: That’s a good point. Yeah, if you become aware you’re masking actually that’s, I think, where the anxiety and the stress kicks in and you’re looking for the bolt hole, the escape exit as fast as possible, or yeah you … It is quite possible to not even be aware you’re masking and this can go on in relationships for years sometimes, perhaps. Yeah, and it leads to quite shallow relationships, or relationships that don’t have the value they could have. So when it comes to masking, is it our fault for masking? Should we not mask? Or is it other people’s fault for refusing or not being interested in who we really are and what we’ve really got to say?

JULIE: That’s a really interesting question because I think it’s a combination of all of those things. I think initially masking for girls, if we can go back to our younger selves … because the word ‘masking’ we never used that. We didn’t really know what it was until our ADHD diagnosis and then we had a name to put towards this type of behaviour or feeling that we had in our past and we realized how frequently we had actually masked ourselves. So, I think as girls in particular because they’re more likely to be covert in trying to hide their ADHD symptoms … they don’t know that they’re ADHD symptoms but they know or they get a sense that they’re not quite accepted by peers or by, you know, teachers in the classroom or family members or whatever it may be, and so they adapt pretty quickly to try and people-please and not to stand out. I’d like to hear some of your experiences as a younger child, Jel. I think boys tend to be more overt with their ADHD traits and so they’re more likely to be outspoken perhaps, whereas girls might take the defence stance of just being quiet and not expressing their feelings, for example.

JEL: Yeah, I had just … thinking back at school actually particularly, well, all school years but in high school I’d have opinions on things that weren’t appropriate. And when I unmasked and expressed those opinions I either got a few detentions or fair bit of trouble. Or, sometimes I just shocked the teacher so much they couldn’t believe it was being said. They weren’t rude things. I do remember an example in an English literature class where we were studying 19th century romantic literature, and this was a requirement it wasn’t a choice. I’m thinking what the heck are we doing this for? We should be learning how to wire plugs or do something practical that could be really safe and sensible so that we don’t electrocute ourselves in the future. Which yeah it doesn’t really go down too well the English teacher however, I got away with that one but that’s … you get this sense of something that’s just stupid and wrong, and you shouldn’t be doing it, whether you’re forced to or obliged to, and for me unmasking is just coming out with something and saying something that sometimes it’s designed to shock, sometimes it’s designed to just shake up the atmosphere because it’s so boring and inane, and sometimes it’s a genuine thought that I think is quite a good idea but it’s just inappropriate and so you go back to masking. You learn as a child quickly that actually, just keep quiet. There’s no point in saying those things. Or, learn when to air those opinions. Because no one’s interested.

JULIE: Yeah, it is interesting and I think, you know, so you come back to whose fault is it? Is it us as a child for not being true to ourselves or is it other people’s fault for not listening or accepting us for who we are? Well, I think it’s probably a combination of both because the standard narrative these days, for example in a classroom, is that you all sit still in your chairs and you sit for an hour and you read. And everyone’s to do that so damn you if you have ADHD and don’t know it and find sitting still quite a painful experience when you want to get up and wriggle or perhaps, you’re looking out the window at the, you know, the birds flying past as opposed to reading your book. And these stand out as unacceptable types of behaviours and so after being pulled up so many times we just learn little tricks I guess, and they’re not necessarily positive ones, but we learn ways of not being singled out. I remember in Primary School I had an interesting group of friends I will call them. I never really fitted in to any group particularly but there was one. The leader was quite a vivacious, loud and quite …. young girl. Basically, she ordered everybody around and everybody listened and did as they were told. But I remember being very, very quiet and not wanting to come up against … confront her with anything because she was the leader, you know, and you just don’t do those things. That wasn’t a polite thing to do. Anyway, she was belittling me in front of the broader group of friends and little old quiet me stood up and gave her an absolute bollocking, I will say and as a term, in so far as I told her what I really thought and everybody turned and laughed at me which was the most devastating thing. That wasn’t the response I wanted. I don’t know what response I wanted but being laughed at wasn’t good. But they were laughing because they thought I was a quiet mouse. They didn’t know that there was another side of me. And this is getting back to the masking thing. After being quiet and conservative in their presence for so long they didn’t know there was another side of me and when that came out unfiltered, unmasked, it gave them a shock. So, you know, when you mask for so long those sorts of things can happen. I mean the mask takes a lot of energy to wear and no, it’s not a physical mask but it takes a lot of energy to keep a straight face, or continue to look like you’re listening, or nod, or be agreeable in a work situation for example, when you’d rather, you know, be chewing your arm off than sit through a particular meeting.

JEL: Yeah, it’s … excuse me. Thinking in back on some work situations when I was actually in spaces with other people, which I haven’t done for a long time … yes, if I built up, if I found myself masking with someone whose attitude or approach I didn’t agree with, that might ride for weeks, months, years sometimes, and it would build up and build up, and a moment came when I was triggered, unfortunately for them, and this isn’t very professional, I would let both barrels off and a couple of more spare shotguns with barrels and then whatever other armoury I had. I would just deliver everything and I would go for the jugular. And it wasn’t really fair because what would happen was when the mask comes off there’s the truth and there’s what I’ve been thinking for a long time rather than dealing with it bit by bit and establishing a better relationship or working through things I wasn’t happy with. Sometimes it was with people in positions of power, you know, might be very senior management and yeah, when I let rip they just didn’t know what to do because they were used to bullying people. When someone stands up and throws it back at them you often find out, you know most bullies are cowards, but it’s never a good feeling. It’s never a nice feeling. It’s never good to get to that point. But I don’t know, I can only speak for myself, but I just still mask and so how to avoid masking and getting into that potential conflict situation, generally for me, is to avoid being around those people face to face, having a certain detachment. In my case for years now working remotely away from people gives me a moment, or a sort of firewall effectively, not to have to fire back at them. There’s a whole difference to what comes out of your mouth compared with what you might write down and then just consider before you send.

JULIE: That’s really interesting because you know we’ve talked about strategies in various episodes, now that strategy works for you in so far as you’re not putting yourself in a position where you feel you have to mask but also it’s not necessarily a winning strategy in so far as you have to remove yourself away from situations that otherwise could provide you a friendship base or, you know what I mean? It deprives you from certain situations.

JEL: I think we’ve often spoken about one of the key things that’s really important to us, in terms of a value, is fairness. Justice, fairness, similar really, but certainly fairness in terms of … and that’s where masking really, really, is a dangerous thing to do because if we perceive something as unfair, we’ll flip. And when we flip, we’re fighting for fairness. I lost my first job, full-time job, fighting. In a split second I unmasked and I told the boss where to go because he had been unreasonable in saying how long I’d had for my smoke-o, tea break. And I didn’t have the wisdom and to think “Okay in this split second I just go, I’ll take it on the chin and walk away.” So, my entire life turned upside down. The people I was working with, my social group, because I unmasked in that split second. I still don’t regret it. He was wrong. But, you know, pride comes before a fall and so throughout life you will do things and say things that cause quite a bit of self-damage in a way. And I’m not honestly sure that wisdom and age is a guarantee of not still doing it from time to time.

JULIE: And we’re talking about masking. The conversation so far is … has been our experience when we were undiagnosed with ADHD. So, you know, we would try and fit in, we’d go with a flow. We thought that was a good thing until it wasn’t and then our undiagnosed ADHD traits would spark, and I call them trip hazards, but it would be, it might be impatience, or this sense of fairness, or self-defence. With our difficulty regulating some of those kind of emotions, that’s when it’s likely to spill over. Now we have been diagnosed and we have a name for it, and we call it masking, we’re able now to look back and identify those times where we masked a lot. Going forward it may or may not change how much we mask. You say you still do, to a certain extent. I … if I do catch myself masking, I do question myself why. And if you’ve got lots of time in the world to contemplate your ‘whys’ it’s a really interesting experience. Why am I toning myself down in the presence of this person, you know? Am I doing it for their benefit, or my benefit, or why can’t I be myself? Why can’t I be brave enough to actually say, gracefully, what I what I need to say and take the chance that they will either accept it or reject it, but it’s a discussion, you know? So, I think maybe knowing we can be braver.

JEL: It’s a risk … risk/reward situation. Every moment and, depending on who you’re with, you’ve got to look at that and go what’s the risk of demanding what you’re demanding? Why can’t I be myself? Unfortunately, in so many situations we all do need to mask. I think that’s why we both say we really enjoy the short-term fleeting company of strangers and meeting strange people, not strange people, strangers. Strange people are fun too. In a brief split moment, you know, whether it’s 20 seconds, or 20 minutes, or sometimes a whole day, whatever, you can really enjoy someone who’s full of energy and get to know things about them and share things with nothing to lose. No long term, no long-term commitment and it can be huge fun.

JULIE: And also no expectations.

JEL: Expectations, prejudgement and so forth.

JULIE: And there’s no backstory. “So last time I saw you were a different kind of a person,” you know, “I’m confused. Who are you today?” I also think I experienced this masking before my first marriage ended, or around that time. I looked at my life and I thought, I don’t dress like that. What … I’ve got a sensible haircut. I’ve never had a sensible haircut. I’m hanging out with these groups of people, doing these sorts of things … that’s actually not my interest. I don’t really enjoy sports. I really enjoy the creative side of my life. Why am I going to rugby matches, you know? How did I end up here, dressing this way, talking this way? Where have I gone? And that was quite a sad conclusion to have and then to go “Well where am I? No, I’m still there but I’ve just hidden myself from everyone and including myself to an extent.” And, yeah so that was a big thing to go no no no I’ve got to … I’ve got to come back to me again.

JEL: I think we all, we all of us will have those times in our lives and sometimes they’re moments and sometimes they’re years. We all are capable to end up, for whatever are perfectly good set of reasons, finding ourselves in a relationship, or a job, or a space that’s completely wrong for us but, yeah there’s lots of reasons. But then it takes such an enormous amount of energy then to say “No this is wrong,” and get out of that situation. That’s massive. That turns your life upside down and risk/reward kicks in big time. On a less dramatic level, I was just thinking, boring conversation is where I will mask the most. If I’m in with a bunch of people who cannot have a conversation that can go anywhere below just the surface of inane subjects, or people throwing out a comment, or a throwaway line that seems to shut the conversation down. “That’s that. That’s how it is. We’re not talking about that anymore.” I will mask and mask and mask and mask because my brain is firing, absolutely firing. It wants to challenge that. It wants to get deeper in that. “So why do you say that? Come on, let’s have a great conversation. Let’s go into battle with this,” but you can’t. And I’m thinking of social situations where it’s completely inappropriate, so you can’t. And you don’t do it and so that’s when the mask, for me, really kicks in. And I just can almost be a camera in the corner watching myself going “Who’s that person?” It’s almost like an out-of-body experience and then I just completely shut down, until the second I can get out of there, because in the process of shutting down and masking, the last thing I want to do is have conflict, be rude. But now I have to be smiley and engaging. And so, the masking isn’t just a blank face of looking miserable, it’s putting on a mask. It’s not like a … yeah covering up your face, it’s replacing it with another one. So, this face now is the smiley face and the interested. “Oh, that’s interesting. Oh, so how’s …This year are you this…?” I’m not interested at whole in this but I’m having the conversation because we’re going through the process.

JULIE: I wanted to also talk about the iceberg theory. And so, this was first coined by Ernest Hemingway as a journalist and a writer, and it’s been adapted. Freud has adapted it and then everyone’s adapted the iceberg theory, but it’s pretty much as an iceberg does, about 1/8 of it is only ever seen on top of the surface of the water. It shows what you can see but there’s a heck of a lot you can’t see. And what’s underneath the surface is very complex but generally the truth lies beneath the surface. And so, for ADHD I think we often experience this perception. How other people may perceive us and with masking, they at work for example, they may perceive us as very organized, happy go-lucky and a team player but what is hiding beneath the surface is that frustration, perhaps emotional dysregulation, chaos. While you might be great at organizing things at work it’s to the detriment of your home life where, you know you forget to wash your clothes and defrost something for dinner, and the house is a muck, and you’ve forgotten your warrant of fitness, and you know the bills haven’t been paid. And so what people perceive of you is only a small part of you. And I think this is where, again, masking can give a false impression of your true self. I think in every episode I’ve brought up a ‘walking contradiction’ and that’s how I feel. I can be both super-organized and chaotic at the same time and they go hand in hand. And it’s which one are you going to see and it depends what time of the day that is, where you’ve caught me. It’s just, you know, I can be hugely energetic and then I can be very reclusive again within minutes, depending on what you see. And I think it can confuse people and so even sort of close acquaintances or friends, if you want to call them that, or family members, if they’ve only ever seen you in one light, when the mask breaks, or falls off, or is worn off, or you actually take it off and be yourself, your truth can be quite a surprise. You might not be the happy go-lucky person that everyone thinks you may be, or it’s the other way around. You could be this vivacious, you know, free-spirited character that’s been dying to get out but you felt you’ve had to be conservative to match other people’s expectations. So yeah, it is interesting and I don’t know if there is a one-size-fits-all answer [no] to masking and unmasking. Because I think unmasking, for me, I need to be in a space where I am free to be me and that means there’s no one out to judge me, that they can equal the vulnerability that I’m showing being me, and I think it’s like “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” with regards to, if you can all unmask and be your true selves at least you know what you’re dealing with. When you’ve got two people masking you don’t really know, you know? It’s a strange one. I think some relationships are like that, aren’t they, where you’re not quite sure actually what you’re dealing with. It’s all very, it’s all very confusing.

JEL: There’s a danger though. I think you hear or probably come across this a fair bit, there’s a danger we can be known as being two-faced or, not really, I don’t like that. It’s an old expression but literally we, you don’t know who you’re dealing with, with us sometimes. Secretive. It’s not, it’s … we really are incredibly open people that can wear our hearts on our sleeves all the time but that doesn’t function well in most scenarios so we, I think everyone masks. Everyone has to mask at some point, with or without ADHD. It’s just as an ADHD trait it’s particularly pertinent to us. It’s something that perhaps we do more and have to do more than neurotypicals who just see it as part of life. They’ve got their work face. I’ve got my face for when I’m talking to the kids. I’ve got my romantic face. I’ve got … and so forth, my sport face but no. For us it’s kind of much deeper than that. It’s yeah, it’s much deeper. We’re always … it’s all because the way our brains are firing off all the time. These ideas and thoughts are bouncing around constantly and need to want to just blurt out something, not to be shocking but to just to say “Hey the reality is this. Think about it like this. Why are we … stop wasting time saying that. Do this.” Whoa, that mask just slipped. “Little aggressive there. Where are you coming from?” Oh, you’re just talking rubbish. “Don’t talk to me like that.” Ooops, now I’m real big trouble and on it goes you know, so … Yeah.

JULIE: Now, I thought of two things, and I should have a pen so I can write down my thoughts because with the millions of thoughts going around in my head, I’ve got two things I want to talk about and I guarantee I’ll forget the second one. Anyway, the first one was lyrics to a song we had written a while back and it was about being accepted for, you know, as yourself, and it was “I draw my strength, you draw your sword” and it’s meaning “I’m drawing my strength to be myself and vulnerable in front of you and if I sense you’re drawing your sword and going to battle with me for being myself, that’s likely to push us back down underwater again. Or to put the … find another mask to put back on.

JEL: So, your mask is your protection isn’t it. Yeah, it’s your armor.

JULIE: Yeah. So to unmask as you really want to, you really want to be with friends, people, anyone who is unjudgemental. We talk about those people who enable you, who celebrate you, who don’t just tolerate you, who genuinely celebrate you. Who want to hear all those stories, who want to hear these amazing outside-of-the-box ideas, and new entrepreneurial business ideas, and get excited by the possibilities. You know, they’re the kind of people you’re more likely to unmask around. And it’s a very good banter and such a good feeling, such a good feeling.

JEL: I bet you can’t remember the second thing? No. See there you go, ADHD. The first one was the lyric “I draw my strength, you draw your sword.” [Yes.] See there you go. Your brain’s firing off and you can’t remember the second one. That’s brilliant, think of a third one. [Oh, it’s … I think, exactly.] See what we did there.

JULIE: Yeah. I’ll flag the second one although I guarantee at some point it’s going to fly through my brain waves. But talking about music I’ll bring in the third one then, and that was we actually did write a song called Iceberg and it was about that. We called it “10% is all you’ll see of me.” It’s actually 1/8 but let’s… [Oh, did we get that wrong?] Let’s not … it doesn’t quite you know, yeah sing the same way, does it. “1/8 … you’ll only see 1/8 of me”. [12.5% or something.] But again that’s just about the complexities and if you’re brave enough, come below the surface and meet me.

JEL: Yeah, because the, of course everyone knows the tragedy of the Titanic, it’s what you don’t see below the surface that can sink you. And so yeah, a lot of people don’t want to know what’s below the surface with us folks with ADHD, or all sorts of maybe neurodiversity, but it’s what’s below the surface that can be the magic stuff. That’s where we really live. That’s where we thrive. That’s where the best of us is, yeah.

JULIE: I think I’ve got a little feeling, also being brave to unmask is that with our ADHD brains, and how we view things, and we also we often talk about problem solving, and ideas, and maybe what might seem a bit random, but just a different way of thinking. If we are forever that person, and I think we are, we’re always coming up with different to the norm.

JEL: We can’t be anyone else can we.

JULIE: Correct although after a while, because we’ve got a super sense of other people’s body language and it might be a raised eyebrow yet again “Oh here’s another idea. Oh.” You know it’s almost as an “Uhhh,” you know. We become the devil’s advocate which is cute a few times and all of a sudden, it’s just like, “Oh why, can’t you just agree with the status quo? We’ve all agreed that this is the strategy going forward,” and we’re going “Yeah but you’re missing something. Don’t you think we should consider …?” And so, when we are ourselves, and that’s kind of beaten down, that can almost hinder the process of fully unmasking too I think sometimes. But you know, we’re human and we, it’s not like we’re right all the time, so we do need to deal with criticism, and we do need to deal with all sorts of things but I think if it’s done fairly then that’s fine.

JEL: Now you touched on something there I thought was interesting, I want to just … When we’re ourselves, if we get beaten down when we unmask, I don’t think … I don’t want that to come across as though they’re individuals in our lives who are out to beat us down. They’re not saying as soon as they see our masks start to come off, attack. It’s not an individual doing that. It really is this, what we call the ‘standard narrative’, societal norms, how you’re expected to behave in certain situations, how societal groups function. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what the divergent part is, isn’t it? That’s what not being … by being divergent we don’t fit in with those systems. So, whether we’re at school, was at school in lessons or we were, you know, or whether it then … in work environments, it just, we don’t fit properly.

JULIE: I have an example. I was with my partner at the time. We’d gone out to a business dinner meeting where plus-ones were invited. And there was an overseas business guest and it was seen as quite a privilege to be at this table with these guests. Now I was myself. I was having … got everyone laughing and that, it was all quite a boring group and so I think I made us all shuffle chairs around like you know, you do at the family Christmas do’s. And so, you go and sit and chat next door to someone else. And I was talking to the guest and his wife and all sorts of subject matters came up and I was … yeah yeah, I think I brought a lot of fun to the table. Now I got a big telling off after that. No no no no no no no no. You’re the plus-one. You didn’t let the others shine. The others were meant to shine. You don’t work for the company. You’re just an add-on. No no, you can’t do that. No. You literally must sit, and smile, and look nice, and nod. And I thought hmmmm, if okay … So that’s another example of me being unmasked. Actually, I didn’t just get some sort of indication that it wasn’t right, I was actually told up front. No no, that behaviour isn’t welcome.

JEL: And so you just avoid those sorts of things in the future. The confidence drops right off to be yourself and that’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy circle, isn’t it? Goes round and round and round, and that’s how you can get beaten down. Again, that’s not an individual necessarily saying “Hey you’re a bad person,” that’s saying “Hey that’s not how we do things in these situations.” In another situation that would/may have been fun at someone’s Christmas dinner [yes] but you know, but from what your story I imagine, from how you recall it, is everyone had a rather good time. [Yes. I didn’t think … I personally didn’t think I was being …] And what they remember you as what a lovely person, a partner of a person who worked for the company therefore must be a lovely company. Let’s give them a big contract!

JULIE: I’ve done, I’ve been in several interviews and sometimes get callers phoning in, or in webinars you get attendees asking questions, and one was from a lady saying “I have a friend that keeps talking about unmasking, but I don’t know what that means.” And so I just again, I just wanted to go back to this terminology. As ADHDers we use them all the time, masking and unmasking. But for those that don’t know about it, unmasking is literally feeling safe enough to take off all the veneers and let yourself shine through. And while for many neurotypical people they’ll just say “Well we do this every day, what’s the big deal? Just be yourself.” There’s a lot of reasons why that can be quite exhausting or nerve-racking after masking or partially masking for so long, so it is a big deal and if people need help to unmask in a safe space there are lots of people they can talk to as well. So, if there’s no one who they feel will give them that safe space and respect the vulnerability they’re showing, there are ADHD coaches and counsellors and they can help with some strategies to do that for the individual.

JEL: Yes, because neurotypicals, people without ADHD, they do … I wouldn’t say they unmask, they don’t mask. I don’t think they mask. I think they say “I go into this social situation, or this place, and I’m just … I am being myself. I’m not being someone else. I’m not a fraud. I’m just very comfortable and happy to do this and be like this.” And then they would look at us and say “So why can’t you just do that?” Because our brains don’t work like your brain. Our brain’s different. It’s as simple as that, you know.

JULIE: Also too with the masking, it’s not, we’re not a completely different person. We’re not. It’s still us. [A version of us.] Yes. It’s a version of us, correct. So we’re not, we haven’t faked our personality, for all those people that we’ve ever worked with or had relationships, we haven’t faked it but there are times where, damn it, we have really controlled, to our own detriment, some of our behaviours for other people’s benefit.

JEL: And things we wanted to say. We’ll go over and over and over afterwards things we wanted to say, or didn’t say, or should have said, or said, or said wrongly, just to suit other people in that situation. It doesn’t mean that we’ve got this kind of mad vicious mind that wants to come out and cause chaos and upset everyone. It doesn’t mean we want to turn it all upside down just for the chaotic sake of it. We’re not anarchists, you know. It’s not one extreme or the other. Yeah, I don’t know if we can explain it any better, do you? I think that’s pretty much, hopefully, nailed it for people.

JULIE: So there you go. That’s masking. That’s why we mask and we can mask in any sort of places whether it a work environment, within relationships, you name it if we feel that we need to. It’s done intentionally and/or unintentionally and we don’t even know it is a thing until sometimes after our ADHD diagnosis. So, there you go.